Waking The Colonel
by Chezza
Summary: It's a dangerous job this 'wakey, wakey' business....


Title: Waking The Colonel  
  
Author: Chezza  
  
E-mail: cyberchezza@tiscali.co.uk  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Sequel/Series: N/A  
  
Summary: It's a dangerous business, this 'wakey, wakey' duty….  
  
Season: Seven  
  
Spoilers: Fragile Balance  
  
Category: Missing Scene/Episode Addition/Humour  
  
Characters: Jack O'Neill, Sam Carter, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c  
  
Pairing: S/J UST   
  
Rating: PG13 for language. Just in case.  
  
Warnings: Language. For one medium strength swear word :)  
  
File Size: KB  
  
Archive: Helio, Fanfiction.net, Gateworld, SJD, my site… If anyone else wants it, just lemme   
  
know where you're taking it, so I can come visit.  
  
Disclaimer: Ain't mine! Surprise…. Stargate and it's characters etc, belong to all those folks who   
  
actually make *money* out of them. Any original stuff in there is mine. Tho' sadly, it's unlikely to   
  
ever bring me any cash….  
  
Feel free to borrow, so long as a) you lemme know and b) you bring anythin/one you use back in   
  
one piece at the end of it. As the jackfic saying goes 'ya break him, ya fix him'….  
  
Authors Notes: Inspired by Carter's attempt to wake the Colonel in this ep. You'll know what I   
  
mean if you've seen it! Lol. And an absurd desire – and no, I don't know where it came from – to   
  
have her tell Teal'c to – well you'll just have to read it to find out what, won't you? g  
  
Any 's's instead of 'z's, extra 'u's and other little quirks of the English language appear courtesy of   
  
the fact that Chezza is British :)  
  
As always, thanks go to dragonlady for the beta. Flames will be used to light Teal'c's candles   
  
not like *that*! Get your mind outta the gutter, f'cryin' out loud! whilst flamees will be named   
  
and whumped in my next fic. Constructive* feedback (and criticism) on the other hand, is always   
  
gratefully received and appreciated. Enjoy!  
  
© Chezza, 2003  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Sam Carter hit the backlight button on her watch, looked at it's display for what must have been   
  
the tenth time that hour and heaved a heavy sigh. She was anxious, frustrated, impatient   
  
and…bored. Definitely bored. She'd been stood around waiting for the Asgard to show their   
  
skinny little grey butts for over three hours now and still nothing.   
  
It was dark, she was tired, worried, hungry and freezing cold. In fact she couldn't even feel her   
  
feet any longer. Damn them anyway! She wanted nothing more than for them to show up, bring   
  
back the real Colonel and *fix* everything they'd screwed up, so that she could go home, have a   
  
nice warm shower and curl up on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate.   
  
Instead, she was still stood around outside her CO's house, waiting for them to appear. She was   
  
beginning to think they weren't going to show at all. Not that it would matter, because if they stuck   
  
around much longer someone would probably call the cops and report them for lurking with intent   
  
anyway. She'd already seen the curtains twitching at old Mrs McKlintock's house across the road.   
  
Just as she was about to thumb her radio to talk to 'Duplicate-O'Neill', more for something to do   
  
than anything else, his voice came out of the unit.   
  
"Carter, you still got your ears on?"  
  
Guess he was as bored as she was, which was hardly surprising. He was still Jack O'Neill after   
  
all, just a little – shorter – than the one to which she was used to seeing.   
  
"Yes, sir." She replied.  
  
"Daniel, Teal'c?" His voice came again, checking in on them, just like a normal mission.  
  
She heard Teal'c reply for both of them. They were staking out the back of the house.  
  
"Everything appears to be normal, O'Neill."  
  
"Yeah? Not to me," was his reply.  
  
She smiled slightly. She couldn't even begin to understand how 'Duplicate O'Neill' must be feeling   
  
right now. First to wake up as a kid, then be told he wasn't even really *him* and that he was   
  
dying? It was just way too weird….  
  
She thumbed her radio again, hoping to try and take his mind off things and keep him focused.  
  
"You wanna go over the instructions I gave you again?"  
  
She knew what his answer would be before he even said it.  
  
"Don't worry, Carter." He said.  
  
The irritation in his voice at her questioning of his abilities came through loud and clear, despite   
  
the slightly nasal sound of his adolescent voice and she smiled, knowing she'd suceeded in   
  
taking his mind off what was going on.   
  
I'm sure I'll figure it ou - "  
  
A bright flash lit the windows of her CO's house and cut him off mid-sentence.   
  
'Typical. Great Asgard timing as always….'  
  
She ran towards the house, thumbing the transmit button on her radio as she did so.  
  
"Daniel, Teal'c, I think that's our cue!"   
  
The thought that she was becoming more like her CO everyday, ran fleetingly through her mind   
  
before she pushed it away.  
  
God she hoped not…the world had enough to cope with when there was just one Jack O'Neill.   
  
Now there were two and even though one of them was only a pint-sized version, it was still one   
  
too many. *Three* would be definite overkill. Plus the thought of being a female Jack O'Neill was   
  
really quite horrifying….  
  
She ran up the steps at the front of the house, sensing the rest of her team behind her and   
  
wrenched open the door. A strong hand grabbed her arm, preventing her from entering. She   
  
paused and looked up at the owner of the hand.  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
"Teal'c?" She queried, her tone asking a wealth of questions in only one word.  
  
"Major Carter, I believe it possible that O'Neill may still be asleep when we enter."  
  
'Huh?'  
  
A small frown creased her forehead slightly, before the implication of his words hit her.   
  
'Oh crap.'  
  
"Is that a problem?" She heard Daniel ask.  
  
She shared a look with Teal'c. Daniel looked between them, still not understanding.  
  
'Hmm, this memory loss thing could have it's advantages…'  
  
"We may have to wake him." Teal'c finished, his voice grave.  
  
"That's not a problem," she said brightly. "Daniel can do it."  
  
Teal'c looked at her and nodded slowly, an expression of satisfaction - and something else -  
  
crossing his face at her suggestion.   
  
"Very well." He said, his tone carefully without inflection.  
  
Daniel frowned.   
  
'What was that expression which just flickered over Teal'c's face? It looked almost like…relief?'  
  
A fragment of memory suddenly made itself known. He was shaking Jack's shoulder, then he   
  
was…flying across a room? Oh yeah, there he went – smack into a wall. He remembered now,   
  
that had hurt….  
  
"Oh, no, no, no, no, NO!" He said, stepping back and waving his hands in denial.   
  
"*This* I do remember. I'm *not* waking him up!"  
  
"Daniel…"  
  
"Na-ah." He said firmly, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm not doing it."  
  
Sam sighed.   
  
'Typical. He just had to go and remember that *now*, didn't he?'  
  
They'd at least managed to get a *few* 'awakenings' out of Jonas before he cottoned on. He'd   
  
assumed it was merely part of the Colonel's dislike for him. Until he'd seen it happen to Teal'c.  
  
'He does it to you too, doesn't he?'  
  
'Err…yes.'  
  
He'd stopped accepting 'waking the Colonel' duty so easily after that. He was a quick learner.   
  
Quicker than Daniel had been, back in the beginning.  
  
"Fine." She said. "Teal'c'll do it."  
  
"I will not."  
  
The last time he had woken O'Neill, he had landed firmly on his mik'ta. In front of the entire Alpha   
  
site. He had been the 'laughing stock', as the Tau'ri would say, of his fellow warriors for many   
  
hours. Until he persuaded several to partake in sparring bouts with his friend. O'Neill had been   
  
most apologetic and bowed to his request for him to show 'no mercy'. They had stopped   
  
laughing. Teal'c had gained status. As had the 'ageing Tau'ri'. But he was not prepared to repeat   
  
his mistake again. He did have a reputation to protect after all.  
  
"Teal'c - "  
  
"I awoke O'Neill last time."  
  
Sam blinked, startled at the petulant tone of his voice.   
  
She frowned.   
  
'Was he pouting?'   
  
She gave him a 'death glare'. Tealc' returned it stonily. He had faced down an O'Neill 'concrete-  
  
melter'. He was not afraid.  
  
Sam narrowed her eyes.  
  
He continued to calmly gaze back.  
  
After several moments of stand-off, Daniel began to fidget. The tension was starting to raise the   
  
hairs on the back of his neck.  
  
"Um guys, shouldn't we be, you know?"   
  
He gestured towards the open door with his hands.  
  
"Alright!" Sam said, giving up and throwing her hands in the air in disgust.   
  
"I'll do it."  
  
Teal'c inclined his head in acknowledgement of her words.   
  
'She *definitely* needed to work on that glare….'  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Jogging down the hallway towards the Colonel's bedroom, she paused for a second before they   
  
reached the doorway. A sharp spike of relief ran through her at the sight in front of her. They'd   
  
been right. He was back. Exchanging looks with Daniel and Teal'c, she knew that they felt the   
  
same.   
  
She ran her eyes down the figure lying on the bed in front of her. Mmm, now there was a sight!   
  
Actually come to think of it, Daniel and Teal'c probably weren't feeling *exactly* the same. At least   
  
she hoped not anyway….  
  
He was sprawled on his front, face buried in his pillow. Huh, who'd have thought the big bad   
  
Colonel would be a cuddler? She really hoped he hadn't been laid in the position for the entire   
  
week though. It might make for nice viewing, but she was pretty sure it couldn't be too   
  
comfortable. Although it could have it's advantages…an unbidden vision flashed through her   
  
mind of him curled up against her, instead of the pillow.  
  
Giving herself a mental shake, she squashed the inappropriate thought with the ease of long   
  
practise and hurried forward.   
  
Ensuring the rest of her stayed out of harm's way, she reached her arm into the danger zone   
  
before she lost her nerve. She might lose the use of the arm for a few weeks – she'd seen it   
  
happen before – but she should avoid the concussion. Or the broken jaw.  
  
She gently shook his shoulder.  
  
"Colonel?"   
  
And stepped back, hoping to be out of the way before he awoke.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
No response, he didn't move.   
  
She looked at Daniel, her glance implying that since she'd had a go, it was his turn now. He   
  
looked slightly panicked for a moment.  
  
"Jack." He said, not moving any closer.   
  
'Coward.'  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Jack!" He yelled, stubbornly refusing to move any closer. Still nothing.  
  
Sam felt an edge of fear curl it's way through her gut.   
  
'What if…?'  
  
"O'Neill." Teal'c said quietly.  
  
His head popped up as he came awake with a grunt. Sam shot a disbelieving glance at Teal'c.   
  
The Jaffa looked smug.   
  
Typical! She shakes his shoulder and gets nothing. Daniel yells his given name…and is ignored.   
  
Teal'c says 'O'Neill' without raising his voice and awake the man springs. Just typical! She risked   
  
her arm for nothing….  
  
He raised his head and stared blearily at them for a few seconds, his eyes widening slightly as   
  
he recognised first them and then where they were.   
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
'What the hell?'  
  
Maybe if he closed his eyes, they'd go away….  
  
Jack blinked a few times. It made no difference. They were still staring at him with concerned   
  
expressions.  
  
"What are you all doing in my bedroom?"  
  
Silence, as the rest of his team look at each other, obviously undecided as to who should be   
  
spokesperson for this unusual event. Jack swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up.   
  
They all scurried back slightly.   
  
'Huh. Synchronised scurrying. Maybe they should start a show group…'  
  
He scrubbed his hands over his face, trying desperately to focus.   
  
"Ugh."  
  
He really was not at his best when just woken up from a deep sleep. He needed time to wake up   
  
first. Or coffee. Whichever was to hand. Actually, scratch that. Right now, he really needed to pee   
  
more than anything….  
  
He lowered his hands to his knees.   
  
'Okay, so no-one's making an effort to explain. Guess you'd better start the ball rolling, Jack. The   
  
quicker you get this over with, the quicker you can go take a leak.'  
  
He stood up.   
  
"I *assume* this is…important?" He asked, running his gaze over all of them and finally settling it   
  
on his usual source for explanations.  
  
"Just a little, sir." Carter said, dipping her head slightly and giving him a quick look up and down.  
  
Okay, what was that? She didn't *usually* check him out in public….  
  
"So," she continued, "Daniel's just gonna come right and explain it."  
  
She stepped back slightly and Daniel gave her an evil glare. She smirked slightly.  
  
'Hah. Got you back.'  
  
The Colonel had transferred his attention to Daniel.   
  
"Uh well," Daniel began to explain and Sam could see the Colonel's eyes beginning to glaze over   
  
already.  
  
She looked over at Teal'c and he raised a graceful eyebrow. Not for the first time she wondered if   
  
he plucked them to get them into that shape. She dismissed the thought as being unimportant. It   
  
wasn't like she'd ever dare to ask.  
  
"You know," she hissed quietly whilst her CO's attention was on her team-mate, "If you knew that   
  
you could wake the Colonel up like that, you could have just *said* something!"  
  
'Thus *saving* me having to risk any body parts….'  
  
"I did not realise that I would be so effective, Major Carter. I expected you to be able to wake him   
  
up quite efficiently yourself."  
  
"Yeah, me too." She murmured.  
  
In fact she was kinda pissed that she hadn't, she *was* his Second after all.  
  
"Do not concern yourself Major Carter," Teal'c continued.   
  
"Perhaps O'Neill is so used to your presence when he awakes, that it no longer has an affect on   
  
him."  
  
'Wha-?'  
  
Sam's jaw dropped.  
  
He…she could not believe he just said that!  
  
She narrowed her eyes. He smirked at her.  
  
'Ooo, how dare he imply that…that she and…and…ooo, he was so gonna get it for that!'  
  
He was still smirking.  
  
"Eat shit and die, Teal'c." She said sweetly.  
  
The smirk disappeared.   
  
Daniel's explanation tailed off into silence.  
  
Jack blinked.   
  
He could've sworn Carter just said…nah, she would never say that….   
  
They were all looking at him expectantly.  
  
Maybe he was still asleep.   
  
He sighed.  
  
"You know," he said slowly, "I was having the *weirdest* dream…."  
  
There was a flash and the room turned white.  
  
~~~End~~~ 


End file.
